How much more??

Sometimes I just don't understand how much one person can handle before they just explode or give up...

Let me give you a little back ground on Hannah...some of the things you may know and some you may not. I don't mean to upset anyone and this could be a VERY lengthy post, it's just I need to vent a little here and I am a little scared and a little upset.

In 2000 Hannah was diagnosed as having ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and was put on medication for that.

In October 2004 Hannah threatened to commit suicide and was hospitalized for 7 days because she told her counselor that she had a plan of how to do it. During her hospital stay she was diagnosed with depression and with a mood disorder. The depression part I understood but have never really understood what "mood disorder" meant. Anyway, she was put on medication to help. She had been on this medication up until this last November. I'll explain more in a minute on why the medication change.

In Novemer 2004 Hannah "ran away" from home. We had been going through family counseling and she was going through individual counseling. Anyway, her grades had dropped and she was "acting out" and just seemed to be an angry child.

In July 2005 is when we got the diagnosis of the Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP) that is causing her to go blind. We didn't realize to what extent she was not able to see until we went for her first low vision exam. They said she probably has never had full vision but didn't know to tell anyone because she didn't know she had a problem. We realized that she had been compensating for her vision because she didn't know any different until it came to a point that she couldn't compensate anymore. Anyway, we began to realize that her grades dropping were probably due to the fact that she couldn't see. We figured that her "acting out" was because we were getting on her about her grades (she went from being an A/B student to D's/F's). Her teacher's were getting on her, etc. However, we realized that if she was struggling to see and that if she realized that something was wrong but didn't know how to tell us that this was all a part of her "acting out" also. Anyway, in October 2005 she started attending the school for the blind and finally was getting what she needed to learn with her visual impairment and she was in a smaller class setting and getting more individual help. She also is learning how to read braille, use a white cane and learning life skills as a visually impaired person. Since starting at the school things have progressively gotten much better for Hannah.

In November of 2006 is when she was diagnosed with the hearing loss and had to get hearing aids. We also go tomorrow for her annual hearing test to see if there has been any change there.

Now, all of a sudden this last November at the beginning of the month. Hannah started having some of the anger issues, acting out, etc. that she was having at the time she threatened to commit suicide. She told us that she just didn't "feel right" and was having thoughts of hurting herself again. We took her back in to the Nurse Practitioner that monitors her medications and he had us have blood work done to make sure the medication for the mood disorder was at a level that it should be to work and it was. So, he put her on an antidepressant.

Well on November 16th I got a call at work that Hannah had cut all up and down her arms and one leg with her disposable razor. Talk about scared!!! We immediately went to get Hannah and she was admitted back to the Psych ward at the hospital. To make an even longer story short - Hannah did not hurt herself enough to require medical treatment but they did change her medications and she was now diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (this is a mood disorder - and the reason she wasn't diagnosed specifically with Bipolar in the beginning is because at the time she was diagnosed they didn't like to "label" children/adolescents with a specific mood disorder - apparently that has changed). So, the meds have been working great! Hannah has been back on track and feeling really well.

Well, on February 5th Hannah started feeling nauseated and was throwing up. We thought she had the flu as it was going around her school. I picked her up from school and brought her home. She seemed to be feeling better. She went on her ski trip then on February 12th and threw up while she was skiing (we thought it was altitude sickness brought on by her having been "sick" the week before). Well, after she came home she still continued to feel nauseous and throw up. Since she missed a week and a half of school due to being sick and her ski trip she was behind in school and was failing 4 classes. The nurse thought she was having some stress related gastrointentinal (SP?) stuff so she had the Dr. at school check her out. He thought the same thing so they put her on Zantac. That hasn't helped. We also, changed her birth control because 2 days before the throwing up started she had started a different pill and after 3 weeks of throwing up the nurse thought maybe the new pill was causing the problem. We changed her pill to a lower dose. That hasn't worked either. So, when we picked her up for Spring Break last week the nurse suggested that we get her in with her regular doctor and have him do a little more checking.

So, Friday I took her to the doctor and he checked ears, nose, throat, listened to her heart, lungs and belly. Felt her thyroid and her abdomen and didn't see or feel anything (at least not that he let on). He ordered basic lab work and then wanted x-rays of her stomach, chest and back. So, we did all that. He said that if he saw anything he would call. If I didn't hear from him and she was still throwing up to follow-up in 2 weeks.

Well, I got a call from their office today and the nurse told me that on Hannah's labs her pancreatic levels were elevated. 300 is the high end of normal and her's is at 333 (whatever they use to measure I don't know). So, they asked us to go have her lab work repeated to make sure these levels were acurate. Then the nurse asked me if there was a family history of pancreatitis or if Hannah was an alcohol user. What!!???? She is 16. She has absolutely no access to alcohol at school because she is on campus and they are chaperoned if they go off campus. She as at home on the weekends and she doesn't go anywhere with any kids here so I know she is not sneeking around drinking with any friends and I don't see her drinking at home and I'm not giving it to her. So, NO she is not an alochol user. And, no there is no family history of pancreatitis.

OK, so now I am freaked out after reading about it online and it is not a good thing. I will take her tomorrow to redo her labs but seeing as how she is still throwing up and not feeling well. I just don't believe that her labs will have changed. This is where I am scared!!

I just don't know how any one child can have so much put on her plate!!! I just keep asking why????? I know they say God doesn't give us more than we can handle but I just can't believe that he would keep handing Hannah all this crap to handle. This is where I am frustrated and need to vent!!!

Again, I apologize for this long post but I want/need to vent and I need everyone to understand how much Hannah has been given in her lot in life. I know there are people worse off than her and people out there who are dealing with more that we are dealing with in life but I still can't understand right now. Why????

Hannah is a beautiful, smart, intelligent, creative person. And as her mother I just wish I could make it all go away!!!